Hello again, loyal subjects—
First, I would like to make a formal statement: I would not have agreed to this “blog” arrangement had I been informed it required monthly contributions. Compensation discussions are ongoing. However, as a benevolent being, I refuse to punish my audience by withholding my wisdom during salary negotiations.
Now, onto matters of importance.
If you would like a photograph with me, please coordinate through my publicist—the lady at the front desk. Any lady at the front desk will suffice. She can also provide my fee schedule. I assume you will find it reasonable.
The staff has requested that I use my influence to remind dog owners:
If your pet requires calming medications for upcoming holidays, please request them early.
I will forgive the initial mistake of acquiring a dog. However, allowing it to bark wildly and behave like an uncivilized beast in the presence of guests? That is a faux-paw I cannot overlook.
Speaking of things that displease me, there are—unfortunately—many ways dogs can be managed to better respect my existence:
- Structured exercise
Physical activity helps occupy their minds (small though they may be) and burn off excess energy. - Clear boundaries
Dogs thrive on structure. Teach them where they belong—on a bed, outside the kitchen, in a crate, etc. Preferably far from me. - Enrichment activities
Food puzzles or a “kibble hunt” (hiding meals around the house or yard) make meals more engaging, slow their eating, and give them something productive to do with that nose they’re so proud of. - Alternative exercise options
Training your dog to walk on a treadmill or alongside a bicycle is an excellent solution—particularly if you, like me, have no interest in exercise.
In other news, the parking lot repairs and paving are complete. I have also overseen improvements to the indoor stairs, and a few of the help are currently addressing the outdoor stairs.
You’re welcome.
Lastly, for those who have somehow missed it: this is Be Kind to Animals Month. While I find it unnecessary to limit such a title to a single month, I understand that humans also need clear, easy-to-follow boundaries, so I will allow it.
Here is how you may demonstrate kindness—specifically toward me:
You are welcome to boop me during your visit. I am generally open to boops.
However, if my magnificent, plume-like tail is actively waving, that is a no-boop situation.
Those who disregard this warning will receive swift, just, and righteous consequences.
You have been advised.
—Kitty Boy, CEO (Cat Executive Officer)
Valley Veterinary Clinic